I'm just putting the Daz in the sink was the twenty-eighth episode of the YoGPoD. It was created and produced by Simon and Lewis and featured Simon, Lewis, Duncan and Pierson, released on 26 March 2010. The podcast was notable as it included the disappearance of Warwick Davis, who spent the following months living in the English sewer system before finding a way out and releasing his book "Size Matters Not". The podcast also featured the creation of the illusive 1956 Club.

Official Description Edit

"Fizzy drink cans, conspiracy theories about 1956, incredibly waffly letters, bum-chat, celebrity guests, lag and the usual drivel you know and love! :D"

Transcript Edit

There will be casual swearing involved. You have been warned.


Lewis: Who’s our special guest this week? On the show.

Simon: Warwick Davis, it's Warwick Davis again.

Lewis: What.

Simon: Um.

Lewis: Could you not get anyone else?

Simon: It’s Warwick Davis, again! Well I tried to book Kenny Baker but, um... he’s rushed off his feet. Or he’s dead. Not sure which. *laughs* Uh. He might be dead. I'm not sure. Shall we check his Wikipedia?

Lewis: *laughs* No! No let’s not. Let’s just make do with Warwick Davis. So where is he?

Simon: He’s still alive and he’s 75 years old.

Lewis: Who is this?

Simon: Can you believe that?

Lewis: Who is Kenny Baker?

Simon: He’s, he was the man inside of R2-D2 In the popular Star Wars, uh, franchise.

Lewis: Oh, of course he was.

Simon: Of film series.

Simon makes lip smacking noises

Lewis: Do w-

Simon: M'yes.

Lewis laughs

Lewis: So hang on, hang on, hang on... are the only guests we have on this show dwarves?

Simon: Well I’m trying to get Bridget the Midget as well. Technically she is a midget, not a dwarf.

Lewis: Yeah. OK, well Warwick Davis, um, can you do this now, or...I thought you had to do some washing up?

Simon: Warwick's doing it.

Lewis: Oh right, okay.

Warwick (from downstairs): I’m just doing it now, Simon.

Simon: See, he’s doing it. He’s made a start.

Lewis: Oh good, good.

Warwick: Is it alright to use the Daz?

Simon: No, no not the Daz. Why are you using the Daz? You're supposed to use the fairy liquid. It's washing up liquid, not washing powder!

Warwick: I just put the Daz in the sink.

Simon: Don’t put the Daz in the sink!

Warwick: I’m just putting it in the sink.

Simon: What’re you doing, Warwick, stop doing that!

Lewis laughs

Lewis: Um yeah.

Lewis: Right.

Simon: Sorry he’s not-

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: Yeah, yeah he’s not actually up here at the moment. He’s downstairs doing the washing up, um... Must be quite tricky for him cause he’s got, well, you know, stubby fingers.

Lewis: Yeah, you should ask him, ask him if he’s okay or something, I mean, does he need a little step ladder to reach the tap or anything?

Simon: Hang on. Warwick? Warwick, how’s it coming along?

Warwick: It's coming along alright, Simon.

Simon: He says, he says it’s coming along alright.

Lewis: Ok, yeah. I can hear him from downstairs.

Simon: Oh right, wow.

Lewis: Is there a lot of washing I mean how long are we gonna be waiting before he can k- join us on the show?

Simon: Um, Warwick how long do you think it’s gonna take?

Warwick: A little bit, maybe, maybe another half an hour Simon.

Simon: He says maybe another half an hour.

Lewis: Ok, right. Well until, until that time I guess we’ll have to fill.

Simon: Well he might be able to be back before the end of the podcast. So that he can give us a few, you know parting words. Um...I mean what you could do, is you could think of some good questions to ask him. Because, the problem with the last time we interviewed him is uh, you couldn’t really think of anything to ask him.

Lewis: Uh yeah, I've not really written any proper questions out. I mean, I didn’t expect to have him back so soon.

Simon: Yeah.

Simon: I mean I-

Lewis: You know I-

Simon: I thought you’d be prepared after the last time! What the hell Lewis? You’ve had a whole, like, week and a bit to prepare and you’re still not ready?

Lewis: I totally didn’t realize we’d have him back on the show

Simon: Were gonna have him weekly. He’s gonna be on every week!

Lewis: Is he? Oh God. What about our other celebrity guests? Can we not secure any others at all?

Simon: No, it’s just Warwick. It’s just Warwick. I mean he’s quite, you know, he’s free at the moment, um...since he escaped from the little cage they had him in.

Lewis: Well, maybe the Yognau(gh)ts can write in and let us know, um.

Simon: If you have any questions for Warwick Davis or possibly Kenny Baker if we can get him, if we can get him booked before he dies 'cause he is 75, he’s an old man, probably not got a lot of time left. He’s probably on borrowed time as it is, to be fair. Um... 'cause dwarves don’t usually live all that long. Um, some do, uh, but some don’t, so... If you have any que- If you have any questions you would like to ask Warwick Davis or Kenny Baker, um, please email them to with the subject line "Questions for Dwarves."

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: Ooh, hang on.

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: Hang on a sec, Lewis, hang on.

Warwick: Help me, Simon! Help me!

Simon: Oh, shit. I think, I think Warwick is in trouble. War-Warwick what’s wrong, what’s wrong?

Lewis: I like the way you're not getting up to go and help him!

Warwick: I’m going, I’m going down the plughole, I’m going down the plughole Simon! Help me! Help me!

Simon: Oh my God, I think he fell into the sink.

Lewis: You better go and help him, hurry up!

Simon: Um, but we're doing- we're recording a Yogpod here! I can’t- I don't wanna just leave!

Lewis: You’ve gotta go. You've gotta, quick, or else we’ve got no celebrity guest!

Simon: What if I think of something funny to say? I wanna be here!

Lewis: Just write it down!

Simon: I haven’t- I can’t find a pen! I can’t find a pen!

Lewis: Just shout, I'll be able to record it.

Simon: I’m looking–

Lewis: Quick, he’s drowning! Quick!

Warwick: Help me ohh ohhho hohhh *gargle*

Simon: Warwick? Warwick?

Lewis: No, oh God!

Simon: NOOOOOooohahahahohoho...

Lewis: Oh my God. Is he gone? Has he completely disappeared?

Simon: Oh God. I, I don’t know I still haven’t gone downstairs!

  • both laugh*

Lewis: He’s got 2 little legs just sticking out, like waving, out the drainpipe.

Simon: I shouldn't laugh really, should I? It’s a man's life.

Lewis: The thing is like, after all this, like, you're gonna go your gonna be thinking in your head that the washing up's done, you know? And you're never- and when you go down there you're gonna be like, "Oh shit why is there still washing up?"

Simon: What if the sink's blocked, I don’t think-

Lewis: What if the sinks blocked?

Simon: I don’t think a bottle- I don’t think a bottle of Mr. Muscle Sink and Drain Unplugger is gonna dissolve a dwarf!

  • chuckling*

Lewis:Oh God.


Lewis: Oh dear I just spat lemonade all over the place.

Simon: Oh dear.

Lewis: It’s terribly messy. Oh dear. I had all these questions lined up for him and everything.

Simon: Oh fuck.

Lewis: I know wonder what will happen…do you reckon he will be able to- The thing is he’s, you know, he’s only little he’ll probably just go straight down the pipes into the sewage.

Simon: Ugh.

Lewis: Hell be out down- down- down the streets of London through the sewers. He’ll find his way back out, won't he?

Simon: I don’t know if he can swim, 'cause he’s got very short arms.

Lewis: Course he can.

Simon: I guess fish don’t have any arms at all and they can swim pretty well.

Lewis: They do have gills though. I mean that is I, I believe they do anyway. It is quite an advantage.

Simon: Oh. So yeah Warwick may, he may just drown to death.

Lewis: Maybe he like, took- took the washing up sponge with him and he can use it as a sort of flotation device.

Simon: What? Oh...maybe he's got like a drinking straw and he’s using it as some kind of snorkel! Because he’s so small.

Lewis: Aw. There's a few things on the agenda. The first thing I thought I'd mention to you was, you know that thing you do when you shake up a can of fizzy drink. And there’s that apocryphal thing where if you tap it on the top it won’t, like, spray everywhere.

Simon: Yeah that’s not true is it? At all.

Lewis: No, it is totally true actually.

Simon: What?

Lewis: Yeah it’s totally true.

Simon: So if I, if I drop a tin of pop,

Lewis: Yeah.

Simon: Down the stairs for example,

Lewis: Yeah.

Simon: And then, and then I go back upstairs after having retrieved it, all I need do is tap the very top of the can, and then pop it open and I won’t get completely obliterated.

Lewis: Correct.

Simon: By nasty...delicious drink.

Lewis: Do you know why that is?

Simon: Why?

Lewis: It’s like scientifically proven, ok. If you’ve got a can and you shake it up, um...the loads of air bubbles get stuck to the sides and bottom of the can and when you open the can they all rush to the top and pull, like, the ca- the-the fizz.. pop...fizzy pop out of the, the hole right. But if you tap the can...

Simon: That's a really good explanation, yeah.

Lewis: *laughs* If you tap the can like this, it shake- it knocks them all off the sides they all rise to the top automatically and then when you open the can there’s a little air bubble at the top so it doesn’t-

Simon: Wow.

Lewis: It’s clever isn’t it?

Simon: This is amazing. What if this isn’t true though? And you’re just trying to get me to drink a can of pop that I’ve dropped down the stairs. And I open it up and I get soaked in cloudy lemonade made with real lemons.

Lewis: I was hoping- It is true apparently I tried it just now and it worked quite well.

Simon: Did you really, like, shake it up though. Or did you just, just gently jiggle the can before opening it.

Lewis: Well I-

Simon: Out of fear.

Lewis: Well I- I did shake it... I didn’t shake it very well, no, to be honest.

Simon: See, something we could have is we could have a challenge. For every, every Yogpod we do we set a challenge for the listeners and this is, um...this is the challenge for this week or this fortnight’s podcast. To, uh, to shake up a can of pop then gently tap the top a couple of times and then open it.

Lewis: It’s a good challenge; it’s a good challenge, ok.

Simon: Do you have the balls to do this?

Lewis: We'll come up with better ones, but yeah.

Simon: Yep. What I’d ideally what I would like is to have, um, to have a friend with a camera taking a picture the moment in which you open the can.

L; Yeah.

Simon: Because you're probably gonna be flinching and if it fails, you're gonna- we're gonna have like an action shot.

Lewis: Of all spray going everywhere.

Simon: Of the, uh, delicious drink spraying everywhere. I think it would make for some good photo ops.

Lewis: It would be good. It'd be good.

Old man who has fallen over 10:56

Simon: We at the Yogpod and the Yogscast, we like to inspire the younger generation. The people who want to, be creative. To create podcasts by, and to- to do their own YouTube videos and so on, uh a fan of ours, a Yognau(gh)t of ours, has created a- a podcast with a friend of theirs and we gave it a little listen last night and they...they obviously they put a lot of effort into this. They spent a lot of time thinking up about the top- the subjects that they were going to cover, the topics they were going to talk about.

Lewis: Let me stop you, let me stop you There’s been a couple of Yognau(gh)ts who’ve tried to make podcasts, ok. And this-this is one particular pair from Britain. I think, the thing is we’ve had this sort of hhhiatus uh, for a couple of weeks and people sort of needed to fill the void of Yogpods with their own creation. So some people like, someone’s created one called the Smorecast which, that she hasn’t sent me a link to but I’ve- it might be a man actually...He. I dunno, I can never tell? His name is Emile Og Loop I mean what the hell is that? Is that a man or a woman?

Simon: Well Emile Hes- Heskey is a man. He’s a, he’s a warrior, he’s a footballer man, and he- he’s a man.

Lewis: Alright well.

Simon: So, so maybe...

Lewis: I’ve gone off track here.

Simon: Yeah maybe it’s a manly name, I dunno.

Lewis: The point is this is called the Jim and Jay podcast that we listened to.

Simon: I want to look this up.

Lewis: And apparently this is the second episode.

Simon: Okay.

Lewis: We listened to-

Simon: *types randomly* I can’t find it on iTunes. It's not on iTunes, Lewis,

Lewis: No.

Simon: *types randomly again*

Lewis: Well, it's-

Simon: I’m- I’m really looking and I can’t find it, I can’t-

Lewis: I don’t know how to say this-

Simon: No, it’s definitely not there.

Lewis:’s really awful isn’t it? It's really terrible, don’t ever do another one. It's rubbish.

Simon: What're you saying?

Lewis: It’s not funny at all.

Simon: I loved it. I loved it.

Lewis: Oh did you?

Simon: I was laughing from start to They really did put a lot of work into it and I think they um, I think they’ve got a future in podcasting. And I think that other people, other Yognau(gh)ts, should definitely, definitely make a podcast.

Jer goaudy? 13:53

Simon: We’ve got a new feature on the Yogpod!

Lewis: Have we?

Simon: I don’t know if you’ve heard about this, Lewis, um, but the hip new thing that all podcasts are doing are- they are- they're doing, um, prank calls.

Lewis: Oh.

Simon: Um, I listened to a new podcast called 'The Horn', which is on iTunes, you can look for that if you want.

Lewis: Right.

Simon: The Horn.

Lewis: So that’s done by...your friends, right?

Simon: Um, no. I don’t know any of the people who are involved in it, actually, Lewis, and I've never met them.

Lewis: Do you- um they're James' friends so...

Simon: Yes, they're my house mate's friends. Um, and th- the idea of The Horn is they actually have a horn as they record and they honk the horn and if that wasn’t fresh enough...

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: They also do prank calls. They have this, um...

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: This feature called 'Where’s Steven Seagal?' and they phone up take-away establishments and they ask if Steven Seagal is there and he isn’t. But because the people who run the, uh, the establishment are foreigners and can barely understand English, they don’t quite understand what going on. And that's where the humour comes from it, inverted commas.

Lewis: I see.

Simon: So, on the Yogpod we're doing the same thing. We're doing prank calls now.

Lewis: Are we?

Simon: Here’s one I recorded earlier. Um, yeah, I think you’ll find this is quite funny. Here we go.

'A: Hello, is Jason There? B: No, Ja- Jason's not in at the moment. A: Are you sure? B: Yeah, yeah he- he's nipped out to buy some- to buy a tin of beans. A: Well this is the VD clinic. Tell him that he has to call us immediately. B: The VD, VD clinic? A: This is the VD clinic. 'B: Oh dear, oh I hope everything is alright. A: Well I can’t discuss that over the phone, but he’s positive! B: Oh- oh my!

  • laughing from Lewis, Duncan and Pierson*

Simon: Did you like that?

Duncan: I hope you recorded that.

iTunes 16:16

Lewis: Some people have been writing in thinking there’s some sort of weird conspiracy, because in the last podcast, when I said the word '1956', it was exactly 19 minutes and 56 seconds into the podcast.

Simon: Woah. Woah, that’s spooky. Holy shit, is this real?!

Lewis: Yeah, like I didn’t do it deliberately.

Simon: Wow!

Lewis: That's a bit weird isn’t it? I dunno why- what kind of conspiracy it would be though.

Simon: That’s amazing.

Lewis: But a couple of people have mentioned that.

Simon: It’s the 1956 conspiracy. That’s what we're going to call our secret society, that we start. The Yogpod secret, ultra secret, secret society of secrets. That’s what it’s gonna be called.

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: But for short, we'll call it the 1956 club.

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: It’s kind of like the 18 to 30 club. But it’s the 1956 club.

Lewis: Can I like try and um...

Simon: You have to be between the-

Lewis: Build more conspiracy things into the Yogpod.

Simon: You have to be- You-dju-ja-jib-jha-ji- You have to be ba-ba- You have to be...between...the ages of 19 and 56 to be a member of the club.

Lewis: Ok.

Simon: So Rasmus, you’re not allowed in. ' Cause you're only 13. You little freak.

Lewis: Okayy...who?

Simon: *chuckles* He’s the person who I added as a friend on Facebook.

Lewis: Oh God.

Simon: And he um, he sends me really weird messages, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Lewis: Ok, shall we go through some more letters of the Yogpod?

Simon: Well we could do, seeing how we've got basically no other content, or anything else to talk

Lewis: Go on then!

Simon: What do you mean go on then? You’re the one who's-

Lewis: Do the jingle!

Simon: Oh right, uh, ok.

Lewis: Sorry.

Simon: Just got to psych-

Lewis: There’s a bit of crossed wires there.

Simon: Just got to psych myself up for this.

Letters from the Yognaughts…naughts…naughts...

Lewis: Ok, this is one from S-

Simon: Naughts....

Lewis: This is from Simon Sherpe.

Simon: Naughts...

Lewis: He says, "Hi Lewis and Simon, I’ve been listening to the Yogpod for a while now...bla bla bla bla bla. The reason for my mail is that recently I have been... Ugh, sometimes I whistle when I say- say, do you hear that?

Simon: Yeah, what was going on there? Have you got a gap in your teeth?

Lewis: No, I haven’t! The reason for my mail is that-

Simon: The fuck?

Lewis: Recently I have been-

Simon: Resh-shseently. Reshsently.

Lewis: *whistles* I have been-

Simon: I can’t even do that. Re-*whistle*-ly.

Lewis: *chuckles* I have been reading-

Simon: So what has he been up to re-*whistle*-cently?

Lewis: Oh, for God’s sake. he’s been...trying to- ugh. Blelelele...

Simon: *chuckling* Letters from the Yognaughts...naughts...naughts...naughts...

Lewis: Oh dear. This is, this one's from someone called 'Dave Yognaught'. He writes- Oh no, hang on, his name- ok. Pfth. I have been following you guys on- bla bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla bla. This is the first time I am writing in the long time that I- Oh for God's sake! Do you r- Let me read this-

Simon: (Backwards) 'It's snowing still' said Eeyore gloomily. 'So it is. And freezing.'

Lewis: -out ok?! This is the kind of email we get! And we told you before, try and be a bit more concise! Ok, I’m gonna read this whole thing out.

L (reading): Howdy folks down at the Yogcast corporation, or whatnot. I have been following you guys on YouTube before the podcast even came out into existence, and I have to say I have loved every mind melting second.But I am not messaging you with just the repetitive praise you guys probably already hear every day, I have a question. This is the first time I am writing in in the long time that I have been listening to you guys and here it is.

Simon: Oh my God, wha- what a load of preamble!

Lewis: So he’s already written, an enormous load of shit that he said he wasn’t going to write-

Simon: Can you imagine?

Lewis: Before he even gets to the question.

Simon: Can you imagine? If someone phones you up. And you pick up the phone and you go, 'Hello?' And that’s what they say, without taking a breath. Without any pauses.

Lewis: I know.

Simon: 'Hello, I am just calling to say that I like you, and I listen to you a lot, and I wish to say that you people there are really good and I like you a lot, and you’re lovely, and I would like to say how lovely you are. You're lovely and I want to say hello to you, so hello, and without wasting any more time, hello.'

Lewis: Yeah, that’s exactly what’s its like. Ok, so he finally goes onto the question, and it iSimon: ' Do you guys ever had any major fights with one another, either on (or haven’t posted it) or off recording? I ask this because as of late it seems you guys seem more aggressive towards each other, when you guys joke with each other,'

Simon: Ooohhh...

Lewis: 'Or maybe it is just my imagination.'

Simon: I think he’s- I think he’s, you know, he’s found- he's found out something, he’s caught something there, that, perhaps we didn’t realise ourselves.

Lewis: I don’t think, well...

Simon: What do you think Lewis?

Lewis: To answer him truthfully, we had a lot of arguments during the D&D thing, mainly with Hannah- In fact it wasn’t me an- It was, it was after the D&D thing, Hannah got a bit upset with us, didn’t she?

Simon: Mmm...

Lewis: But we’ve never really fallen out.

Simon: Things were very tense. But that was a long time ago, really.

Lewis: We’ve never-

Simon: Wasn’t it? It was ages ago.

Lewis: It was. We're quite good, aren’t we friend?

Simon: *sigh* If you say so. If you say so.

Lewis: Well I can’t speak for Simon, but...I think we're still wha-wha-wer-wer-wer-a-pblbl

Simon: Mmhmm.

Lewis: I’m trying to- a-bleblbelheablehableh bleh. Uh, our Australian number 1 listener, called ' Ayrton Shehan' has written in. He says, 'I need to ask you a favour. Please prove that this email address goes somewhere please and send some form of reply.' I suppose I could've just returned his email rather than reading it on the show. I’ll reply.

Simon: No, no-

Lewis: I’ll reply.

Simon: Just respond on the podcast.

Lewis: I’ll reply here. ' Dear Ayrton...'

Simon: Ayrton? Like Senna, the racing driver?

Lewis: 'Many thanks for writing in...'

Simon: 'Hope you get hit by a bus.'

Lewis: *chuckles*

Simon: 'Lots of love, Lewis.'

Lewis: K.

Simon: 'Xxx.'

Lewis: So, one thing me and Simon typically do on the show- This is like behind the scenes. I thought we could do, like, a little feature of behind the scenes, where we tell, like, interesting anecdotes about making the show. Um, so one of the things that we do, to test that, um, Ventrilo isn’t, like, lagging for one of us, is, um, I say, 'I'd rather have a bowl of-' And then Simon saySimon:

Simon: 'Coco Pops'.

L; Right, so that- that- that- That was used, I think, by someone else. Like by Russel Brand or someone on their show, a long, long time ago.

Simon: What? Was it?

Lewis: I think that’s- that’s where I very originally got it from, um...

Simon: Aww, what?

Lewis: 'Cause they used the same thing, professionally, in the BBC. ' In the BBC'. It’s like, it's like the standard way of doing things in the BBC. It’s like, taught, to people in school.

Simon: Is it really?

Lewis: In film school, and radio school. They teach you that.

Simon: *chuckles* Oh God. See, the original one, that Americans would be familiar with, is the 'Marco'...

Lewis: I don’t really understand that.

Simon: Marco? Marco?

Lewis: But the thing is, it has to be like a, a s-

Simon: Marco?

Lewis: No, but the point- That doesn’t really work, 'cause it doesn’t tell you-

Simon: Marco?

Lewis: How- how laggy you are.

Simon: Marco?

Lewis: Does it?

Simon: Marco?

Lewis: It doesn’t work!

Simon: Marco?

Lewis: I'm not gonna say, 'Polo',

Simon: Hoorayy!

Lewis: 'Cause then you’ve got some weird, we’ve got some weird time now. Don’t know how long it is!

Simon: I think you're lagging really badly Lewis. *laughs*

Lewis: *chuckles* You’re a fuck!

Simon: *chuckles* Ahh... Another thing we’ve been doing recently is, um, I- I started, it’s all me, is- I was lagging really, really badly whilst we were trying to-

Lewis: 'Cause we were torrenting.

Simon: Yeah I wa- Shh, you can't say that! You can’t tell people that I torrent!

Lewis: Oh, sorry.

Simon: I mean, uh, oh I was torrenting, um-

Lewis: You were downloading.

Simon: Lice-licensed free, open source software. Linux. And, um, some open source-

Lewis: Ubuntu.

Simon: Yeah, yeah, Ubuntu. And um...

Lewis: I don’t know what that is, but it sounds cool.

Simon: So yeah. Anyway, so. *chuckles*

Lewis: Ubuntu, Ubuntu, they drink it in the c- Oh dear, that’s terrible, can’t use that.

Simon: *laughs* Were you gonna say c*ntu?

Lewis: *chuckles* Yeah I was.

Simon: You didn’t realize! *chuckles* Nice work. Ubuntu, Ubuntu, they drink it in the c*ntu- Ooh, ooh, I can’t use that, that’s rude! So yeah, I’ve been doing this thing, where if I’m lagging horribly, um, I play the theme to Back to the Future into my microphone.

Lewis: So this is what happened-

Simon: And from a distance-

Lewis: The other day.

Simon: I yell out 'Help'.

Lewis: This is what- this is what I heard, when I came onto Vent and Simon was lagging really horribly.

  • Back to the Future theme plays, Simon saying help faintly from a distance*

Simon: I’m trapped! Help! Oh God... Now strictly speaking, due to copyright, we should only play, like, the shortest, kind of like, clip, of that music.

Lewis: Anyway, are there any little other- Oh well, we’ll save any other 'industry secrets' for, uh,next time. For next time, on this new feature!

Simon: Mmhmm.

Lewis: Behind the Yogpod!

Simon: And here’s a- here's a little teaser of what we will be talking about next time. Sometimes, uh, when we record the- the podcast, um, and if I need to, I- I scratch my balls. So we’ll look forward to hearing more from that next time on-

Lewis: Brilliant.

Simon: Behind the Yogpod!

Lewis: Well I can’t wait for that- that feature. That’s gonna be brilliant. Warwick Davis has gone missing. The show's gonna feature ball scratching.

Simon: Yeah, aww man.

Lewis: We’ve covered how to open a tin can without it spraying everywhere.

Simon: What we should do, is we should go back in time and save Warwick Davis-

Lewis: Yeah.

Simon: From doing the washing up. So that he doesn’t die. And go down the plug hole, and stuff.

  • Lewis starts singing Back to the Future theme song*

Simon: And drown in sewage underneath London.

S (Warwick): Help me! Help! Help, I need some help! Simon: It’d be like that. Obviously tha- that wasn’t actually Warwick Davis, that was me trying to impersonate-

Lewis: That was-

Simon: Warwick Davis.

Lewis: No that was the-that was a- ah uh uh uh uhhhh- a reconstruction. Is that right?

Simon: Yes. That’s exactly it.

Lewis: I was struggling to find the word there.

Simon: It was like you were on, uh, crime watch. It was uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh- a reconstruction.

Lewis: Yeah.

Mummy, mummy, can I listen to the Yogpod? 28:07

Simon: Island Paradise, at the moment is having a few problems, right? And they have an official statement: 'Support is working very hard and fast as they can to answer tickets, and they're currently shifting through over 30 thousand tickets.' Jesus Christ...

Lewis: Oh my gosh, why have they got so many tickets?

Simon: 'Cause they got fuckloads of users, and the game- They had a server crash. It’s crazy tha- I mean, people have spent hundreds of...well, dollars, probably hundreds of pounds as well, on the uh, the premium currency to buy the items and stuff.

Lewis: W-we- wer-

Simon: I mean, can you believe that?

Lewis: Weren’t they selling them in like American stores as well?

Simon: Yeah, in Target.

Lewis: I think that’s crazy.

Simon: That is crazy. Because it’s a-

Lewis: What’s Target?

Simon: It’s a game that’s-

Lewis: What is Target? I don’t know what that means.

Simon: It’s a store.

Lewis: Yeah, but why would you go in there?

Simon: It’s a brand of stores.

Lewis: What do you buy from there? Is it the equivalent of like, PC World? Or what?

Simon: Um, no, it’s just a big, kind of, anything. It’s like a Woolworths or something. That’s probably a good example. It’s like Woolies.

Lewis: Have you spent any money? On the old, um-

Simon: You can buy a bit of everything there.

Lewis: Island Paradise.

Simon: Just the 1 pound 22. From the Yogpod.

Lewis: What?

Simon: In order to send myself a chocolate bar.

Lewis: What do you mean?

Simon: It was through the affiliate thing. By spending that money, to get a chocolate bar delivered to my door, I got extra, like, credit points.

Lewis: So you got credits on Island Paradise and you got a chocolate bar?

Simon: I know, it's just win-win isn’t it?

Lewis: Your actual house. What the hell?

Simon: Yeah, there's um...

Lewis: It’s amazing.

Simon: I told you about this fucking thing. Oh God what's it called?

Lewis: For those of you who are too lazy to walk across the street, to the shop-

Simon: *laughs*

Lewis: To order a chocolate bar. Did it like, come in, like, an envelope?

Simon: It did.

Lewis: What kind of chocolate bar was it?

Simon: It did. I- Parcel Genie.

Lewis: I can’t imagine many kinds of chocolate bars fit into an envelope shape.

Simon: It’s called 'Parcel Genie.' Type into Facebook, Parcel Genie.

Lewis: Mmkay.

Simon: Right, the prices have gone up now, it's now 1.75 to send a Wispa Gold.

Lewis: I’ve got a person called Marcel Genie. That’s not the right thing is it? No, it’s not coming up.

Simon: Parcelgenie, one word.

Lewis: Oh, one word. Ok, applications. Parcelgenie. So we can actually send stuff-

Simon: People, people can send stuff to us.

Lewis: People...on Facebook.

Simon: Uh, y- they don’t need to know your address. You just get a request via Facebook-

Lewis: Oh I see.

Simon: That someone wants to send you a gift. If you accept it, you then fill in your delivery information and the payment from them goes through, and you get a delicious Wispa Gold delivered.

Lewis: Delicious. Well shall we send a Yognaught a gift? Well, one thing I was thinking of doing was this sort of, executive producer thing, where the, the listener who donated the most money to us, since the last podcast, um, is like an executive producer of the show.

Simon: Oh my God.

Lewis: And they get something- something nice, like some sort of special merchandise or something.

Simon: They get a Wispa Gold.

Lewis: Um...and obviously this whole- the whole Parcel Genie thing might- might work quite nicely, so-

Simon: Yeah, yeah.

Lewis: Who is the executive producer on this- the last, the latest show?

Simon: We haven’t had any donations for a long, long time. The fact that the donation button is hidden under the tab for donate...

Lewis: So no one's actually donated anything at all?

Simon: Don’t think so, I’ll check.

Lewis: So there’s no executive producer.

Simon: Ah. We had a donation...from Ryan Calhoun. Um, who donated 5 pounds.

Lewis: Oh right, well, so that means that Ryan Calhoun is the-

Simon: Yes. Ryan Calhoun. As the only person who’s donated this month, um... You are executive producer of this Yogpod. Congratulations. And I bet you feel pretty proud of yourself right now. And they said, that you would never amount to anything. And by they, I mean, you know, your parents, your friends, people who just pass you on the street, you know, everyone, just everyone never thought you would amount to anything.

Lewis: So what this means is that he’s actually going to get- go on a list. And when we produce something awesome like a CD, or something really exclusive, ah... He’s gonna get one. He’s going on the list of executive producers.

Simon: *gasps*

Lewis: He gets special stuff, basically, sent to him.

Simon: *gasps louder*

Lewis: Um.

Simon: Oh my God.

Lewis: For being the executive producer for this month. There you go. I’ll make sure he gets something nice in the post today. I guess, but if he PayPal'd you money, he might have his address on there.

Simon: Will he?

Lewis: Otherwise, uh, we'll just send you an email, don't worry. 'Cause PayPal keeps your email, doesn't it? So we'll keep track, don’t worry, friend.

Simon: Um, I’ve got his address, but he’s in the U.S.

Lewis: That’s not a problem.

Simon: In, uh, Colorado.

Lewis: Colorado Springs? Nice place.

Simon: Not Colorado Springs. Just Colorado.

Lewis: Oh. What’s the difference?

Simon: Um, I don’t know. I dunno what Colorado Springs is. Um.

Lewis: *laughs* Ok then

Simon: You brought it up! You just brought it up, that it doesn’t make any sense!

Lewis: Uh, Colorado Springs is the- the capital of Colorado, it’s like, uh...

Simon: Ohh.

Lewis: It’s like, the biggest town in Colorado. So hello! He might not live in Colorado Springs actually.

Simon: No.

Lewis: He might live in Denver.

Simon: Well I know he doesn’t. He doesn’t live there, I’ve got his full address here. I’m not gonna say it.

Lewis: What, is it in Denver?

Simon: Look, no- someone might try and stalk him, if you put this in the podcast, someone might try and find him!

Lewis: Oh, yeah!

Simon: They know his full name!

Lewis: They’re gonna try and stalk him with the name Ryan Calhoun, comma, Colorado.

Simon: Well, yeah, they might be able to track him down. On the Googles.

Lewis: Ryan Calhoun, Colorado.

Simon: I don’t want him to get into trouble, for just giving us 5 quid. To help pay for our- our massive overheads that we have for running a podcast. We got- you know, we got all this equipment and...the mixer desk. *chuckles* These expensive, um, microphones and uh, things.

Lewis: All this high technology.

Simon: The softwares.

Lewis: Yeah.

Simon: The- the audio room. That we- we’ve built.

Lewis: So anyway...

Simon: Uh...

Lewis: Thank you, very much.

Simon's uncle 35:11

Lewis: Shall we send one of the Yognaughts something?

Simon: You just want to use it now, you’re like, 'Oh God, I got to use this for something, it’s so cool.' A Union Jack mug. That’s quite an expensive item.

Lewis: What?

Simon: After dinner willies.

Lewis: Are they like mints, but...willies?

Simon: Um...yes. In the shape of a willie. Borat's mankini you can send. 'Very nice!' (Borat impression)

Lewis: Haven’t done that for a few years.

Simon: *giggles* Yeahh. Oh dear. Ohh. 'Is nice!' (impression)

Lewis: Dib Dab. You can send a sherbet Dib Dab. Wow.

Simon: Yeah, the chocolate and things, they’re sort of like, retro-y.

Lewis: They are aren’t they? I like this. This is a cool idea. Sorry, so I was talking to you about trying to end this podcast, um...

Simon: Shall I send- Oh. Oh right, ok.

Lewis: I’m just a little bit worried 'cause we’ve sort of left it on a bit of a cliff-hanger. You know, is Warwick Davis gonna make it, is he gonna be alright, we just don’t know! Um...

Simon: Well people will have to tune in, next time.

Lewis: And find out.

Simon: Same Bat time. Same Bat channel. Oh, no, no no. Same Yog time. Same Yog channel.

Lewis: Yeah, that’s right. We had, um, last night we had-

  • Simon sings batman theme*

Lewis: I guess it was like the first-

Simon: Yogpod!

Lewis: Yogpod meet up.

Simon: *singing* Yogpod!

Lewis: And about-

Simon: Yogpod!

Lewis: About 30 people turned up to this meet up.

Simon: Yogpod! Yogpod... *singing* Yogpod! Sorry.

Lewis: About 30 people turned up, um...Yognaughts, and we played TF2 and had a bit of a chat, and Mulchie played the song live, and uh... Some- some, some kindly Yognaught, I think called, I think it was- I think might have been TotallyMoo, gave out like, uh, eleven beta keys to HoN which was nice.

Simon: *gasps*

Lewis: It was just all very nice, and amiable. There wasn’t any creepy stuff going on... It was quite chilled, I just... The thing is, you weren’t there, you were at a dinner party.

Simon: Yeah, I was there to start with, but then I had to go and eat dinner and get drunk.

Lewis: So I mean, I, like had to hold the fort kind of thing. I sort of, just, woffled on for ages.

Simon: And then the evening started-

Lewis: People started leaving.

Simon: To take a turn for the worse.

Lewis: So that was good, I think we'll have to do similar events in the future, um...

Simon: Yeah.

Lewis: I was saying things like, you know, giving people sneak peeks of what we're gonna be doing in the future. And, uh, stuff like this.

Simon: Oh God, really?

Lewis: Stuff to look forward to. Yeah.

Simon: So now you- you have to deliver on that now.

Lewis: Well...

Simon: Now you have to do those things.

Lewis: Maybe.

Simon: You've painted yourself into a corner.

Lewis: Like the Tomb of Horrors, er, D&D thing, Yogpod.

Simon: Oh Jesus.

Lewis: I mentioned that might be happening. So yeah, I’ll just leave it there shall I? That sounds exciting doesn’t it?

Simon: I am literally on the edge of my sh- sheet, I almost said. I am literally on the edge of sheeting.

Lewis: Ok, so thanks for listening this, uh-

Simon: Oh shit, you're recording all this.

Lewis: This uh-

Simon: Fuck.

Lewis: Yeah.

  • Simon sings batman theme again*

Simon: Were you recording all of that as well?

Lewis: Yogpod! Yeah, you j-

Simon: Ohhh Jesus, I was just arseing around! I didn’t realise...oh fuck. You’re listening to the Yogpo- No, no. Y- you were listening to the Yogpod but soon won’t be. Because it’s ending.

Lewis: Goodbye! Right, we'll leave that. That'll be the end.

Simon: Really. That's brilliant.


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